So Tell Me March 5, 2011

So tell me… why is the sky blue?

What is the purpose of life?

Why are we doomed to sit and stare at the ceiling when the stars are out?

What’s the deal with Ke$ha?

Is is always this hard to continually pursue a relationship with God?

I know this seems like some pretty big questions, and they are, I don’t want to discount that, but, do they really matter? I’m not sure at this point. I mean take the “what is the purpose of life?” question… Everyone asks it, but what is the point of asking it? Shouldn’t we just live with purpose even if we don’t know the general purpose? A few years ago Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in Saddleback, CA wrote The Purpose Driven Life and it became one of few Christian books in recent years to become a New York Times Bestseller. Why? Because there are millions of people out there who want to know the purpose of life, even though that is in no way what Rick Warren was talking about. He was talking about living your life with a purpose. And that purpose is probably not the same as your neighbor, even though we tend to want cookie cutter answers. Why is that do you think? I’m not sure, but what I can tell you is that there is a purpose of life. It is to bring glory to our Creator by being what He created us to be. But that doesn’t fly in our mainstream culture, so we keep looking for that cookie cutter purpose.

What I’m trying to figure out is why we as a culture seem to disregard what is so obvious. Why do we have to continually look for something deeper when the answer is right in front of us? I have no idea. And I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. To me, some things are so clear, but are blatantly disregarded by out culture.

There are so many mysteries out there right now. SO MANY! I just don’t feel like most of them are worth the struggle. One is, and that is how do I praise and glorify my God every day? I want to. So, how can I when I mess up every day, multiple times a day? It’s a mystery to me that He still loves me. That Jesus still covers my sin by His death of the cross, and that we are not expected to do anything other then our best to praise our God.

So, tell me, what is your unanswered question? What is your mystery? Maybe we can help each other out on these, because so many of us have experience that others may not. And together we can learn.

And The World Hasn’t Stopped… March 3, 2011

So, I have not posted in a long time, and so much has happened in my life. I’ve gone through a lot of changes and I still am. God has blessed me profusely, but life still happens. So,  I’ve been thinking about a lot, and experiencing a lot and wondering how God wants to use me and where.

So, I moved to St. Louis. Back to St. Louis, technically. Since I grew up here and only lived in CA for 5 years right after high school, moving to St. Louis really isn’t all that big a change as one might think. Then about 2 months after I moved home I went on my first date with my boyfriend, Mike. We met after a Cardinals game last summer (funny story I’ll have to tell sometime). Anyway, in September I took a job as the Director of Music and Worship at a church about 40 minutes from my parents house. I was really excited about it because the person who recommended me for the job is a family friend and he is also an elder at this church. The people seemed great and they wanted to grow the contemporary worship program and I felt like I was just the person to get them started. Well, about 6 weeks into this whole thing, the pastor decided that I wasn’t a good fit for the church. Even though he was the one who was so gung-ho about me coming on board anyway.  So, he came into my office and fired me. On the spot. With no notice. What a jerk, right? I certainly thought so, and so did everyone to whom I’ve told the story to. Ridiculous, to fire a full time ministry professional after only 6 weeks? I think so. But I soon learned that even though it sucks to be fired, the world won’t stop turning. And God had a better plan for me.
So, I was without a job until about 6 weeks ago, when I found a job teaching voice and piano lessons at a music school in Chesterfield, Missouri, about 20 minutes from my parents’ house. And here I am, with a great family and boyfriend, and currently 2 good friends who live in the area. So, what am I missing?
I mean, I have had the opportunity and blessing to lead worship with some fabulous musicians at various churches, begin to talk to my boyfriend about Jesus, met some really great people who I enjoy singing and playing and hanging out with. But I still feel like something is missing.

And yet, the world hasn’t stopped for me to figure it out so I can continue and know what it is I’m missing and not lose it.

Part of me doesn’t think this is very fair, but since when has life been fair? Never. Life wasn’t even fair to Jesus. Now, that’s unfair.

So, what am I missing? I’m not totally sure, but I’m working on it. To be honest, I’m pretty sure it has something to do with seeking after God. Learning about Him. Wanting to know more.

I know that the past 9 months are just a small fraction of my story. And that there are so many things that may have begun recently that will last a long time, but I want to make sure that I’m doing things right. I want to make sure that I’m where God wants me even though I believe that He will bless me where I am so that I can be a blessing to others. I know my story is really only just beginning and I’m praying that even if the world doesn’t pause for me, that God will show me what He wants me to learn so that I can be everything He has created me to be. Nothing less. Because all I want to do is live a life that brings Him praise.