So Tell Me March 5, 2011

So tell me… why is the sky blue?

What is the purpose of life?

Why are we doomed to sit and stare at the ceiling when the stars are out?

What’s the deal with Ke$ha?

Is is always this hard to continually pursue a relationship with God?

I know this seems like some pretty big questions, and they are, I don’t want to discount that, but, do they really matter? I’m not sure at this point. I mean take the “what is the purpose of life?” question… Everyone asks it, but what is the point of asking it? Shouldn’t we just live with purpose even if we don’t know the general purpose? A few years ago Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in Saddleback, CA wrote The Purpose Driven Life and it became one of few Christian books in recent years to become a New York Times Bestseller. Why? Because there are millions of people out there who want to know the purpose of life, even though that is in no way what Rick Warren was talking about. He was talking about living your life with a purpose. And that purpose is probably not the same as your neighbor, even though we tend to want cookie cutter answers. Why is that do you think? I’m not sure, but what I can tell you is that there is a purpose of life. It is to bring glory to our Creator by being what He created us to be. But that doesn’t fly in our mainstream culture, so we keep looking for that cookie cutter purpose.

What I’m trying to figure out is why we as a culture seem to disregard what is so obvious. Why do we have to continually look for something deeper when the answer is right in front of us? I have no idea. And I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. To me, some things are so clear, but are blatantly disregarded by out culture.

There are so many mysteries out there right now. SO MANY! I just don’t feel like most of them are worth the struggle. One is, and that is how do I praise and glorify my God every day? I want to. So, how can I when I mess up every day, multiple times a day? It’s a mystery to me that He still loves me. That Jesus still covers my sin by His death of the cross, and that we are not expected to do anything other then our best to praise our God.

So, tell me, what is your unanswered question? What is your mystery? Maybe we can help each other out on these, because so many of us have experience that others may not. And together we can learn.

And The World Hasn’t Stopped… March 3, 2011

So, I have not posted in a long time, and so much has happened in my life. I’ve gone through a lot of changes and I still am. God has blessed me profusely, but life still happens. So,  I’ve been thinking about a lot, and experiencing a lot and wondering how God wants to use me and where.

So, I moved to St. Louis. Back to St. Louis, technically. Since I grew up here and only lived in CA for 5 years right after high school, moving to St. Louis really isn’t all that big a change as one might think. Then about 2 months after I moved home I went on my first date with my boyfriend, Mike. We met after a Cardinals game last summer (funny story I’ll have to tell sometime). Anyway, in September I took a job as the Director of Music and Worship at a church about 40 minutes from my parents house. I was really excited about it because the person who recommended me for the job is a family friend and he is also an elder at this church. The people seemed great and they wanted to grow the contemporary worship program and I felt like I was just the person to get them started. Well, about 6 weeks into this whole thing, the pastor decided that I wasn’t a good fit for the church. Even though he was the one who was so gung-ho about me coming on board anyway.  So, he came into my office and fired me. On the spot. With no notice. What a jerk, right? I certainly thought so, and so did everyone to whom I’ve told the story to. Ridiculous, to fire a full time ministry professional after only 6 weeks? I think so. But I soon learned that even though it sucks to be fired, the world won’t stop turning. And God had a better plan for me.
So, I was without a job until about 6 weeks ago, when I found a job teaching voice and piano lessons at a music school in Chesterfield, Missouri, about 20 minutes from my parents’ house. And here I am, with a great family and boyfriend, and currently 2 good friends who live in the area. So, what am I missing?
I mean, I have had the opportunity and blessing to lead worship with some fabulous musicians at various churches, begin to talk to my boyfriend about Jesus, met some really great people who I enjoy singing and playing and hanging out with. But I still feel like something is missing.

And yet, the world hasn’t stopped for me to figure it out so I can continue and know what it is I’m missing and not lose it.

Part of me doesn’t think this is very fair, but since when has life been fair? Never. Life wasn’t even fair to Jesus. Now, that’s unfair.

So, what am I missing? I’m not totally sure, but I’m working on it. To be honest, I’m pretty sure it has something to do with seeking after God. Learning about Him. Wanting to know more.

I know that the past 9 months are just a small fraction of my story. And that there are so many things that may have begun recently that will last a long time, but I want to make sure that I’m doing things right. I want to make sure that I’m where God wants me even though I believe that He will bless me where I am so that I can be a blessing to others. I know my story is really only just beginning and I’m praying that even if the world doesn’t pause for me, that God will show me what He wants me to learn so that I can be everything He has created me to be. Nothing less. Because all I want to do is live a life that brings Him praise.

Layers? November 21, 2009

I’ve been thinking…
What’s the deal with the layers of understanding in the Bible?
Are there layers of understanding?
I’m gona do some research and find out…

Convinced. October 25, 2009

What do you think about the Reformation?

What led the church into such a downward spiral?

The same thing that is leading it down today. Selfishness.
We are inward focused instead of outward. Jesus talks about helping those less fortunate than ourselves more than doing anything else. The Bible’s over-arching theme is to save those who can’t save themselves. It is what God did for us. So why are we, post-Reformation Christians, sitting around on our butts repeating history? No, we’re not selling indulgences, but I feel like we might as well be. We are neglecting the ministry that Jesus gave to us when He left this earth.

Okay… so that being said, I don’t think that we are “required” to do anything, but we are asked to. And in addition to that I think that out of love and admiration for our Savior we should be obedient. I mean, after all, He DIED for you. I don’t want to guilt you into anything. I also don’t want to guilt myself because we are indeed free. Christ made us so. And there is NOTHING we can do or not do to change that. Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! [Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”]
But, I still want to do more. I cannot believe that someone would die for me. I mean, I think that I am one of the least worthy people for that, but aren’t we all?
We aren’t worthy and I think that’s the point. That is why we must do things for the one who provided for us. Provided a way out of our depravity. Have you ever noticed that when you do something for someone, no matter how small, they want to repay you 10x as much as you helped them? They want to help you just like you helped them. And sometimes more. Their gratitude is so great that they won’t take “No” for an answer. Have you ever experienced that? I’m sure you have. I know I have and I’m realizing that that is how we should be for our God. And we should NEVER take what He did for us for granted, but we do, and FAR too often.
I am convinced that out of our love for Christ and our gratitude to our God we must obey Him and serve Him only. Because He doesn’t need our good works, but the lost people all around us do. The children of God that are falling by the wayside do. And that is exactly who He wants us to help.

“The time is NOW, come Church, arise! Love with His hands. See with His eyes. Bind it around you, let it never leave you, and they will know us by our love.” – Christy Nockles “By Our Love”

Flimsy Wall September 28, 2009

Ezekiel… A little bit more difficult then I thought it would be, but I’m going through it…
Anyway, I was struck by this today…

Ezekiel 13:10-11, “Because they [false prophets] lead my people astray, saying, “Peace,” when there is no peace, and because, when a flimsy wall is built, they cover it with whitewash, therefore tell those who cover it with whitewash that it is going to fall. Rain will come in torrents, and I will sent hailstones hurtling down, and violent winds will burst forth.”

God is comparing our faith to a wall… and the faith of the Israelites is like a flimsy one. As I was listening to the recording of the sermon from Searchlight Ministries, Pastor Mark Manning asked this question, “Is your wall flimsy? And how do you tell if it is?” The answer is quite simple… you can tell by how react to scripture and being held accountable. There are 2 possible reactions, 1. You say, “You’re right… I haven’t been doing _____. I need to work on that. Thank you for pointing it out.” OR 2. You say, “How can you say that?! I do [this] and [this] and [this]. I’m a really good person! I can’t believe that you would say that! How offensive!” Why would we react in such a way unless our wall was flimsy and we needed to hear exactly what was said.Someone with a strong wall doesn’t get offended when held accountable for their actions or lack of action.

In context… there were false prophets in Jerusalem and in Babylon (the northern kingdom had been exiled already) saying that God was happy with them, that they’d be going home soon, that there was peace. Their flimsy wall looked good, but it would not hold up to the tests that God was going to send (torrents of rain,etc). I find this all completely amazing. And it has me wondering… is my wall flimsy? How do I react to challenges and being held accountable? Do I make an effort to change my actions? I like to think that I do, but I don’t know.

So, here’s another thought… my reason for being here in Palm Springs… is it to be the one to hold others accountable? Is it to lovingly bring to the attention of those that I work with where there are holes in their words and how they match up with their actions? Maybe. I’m not sure. We shall see… It is a possibility.

A God that Cares September 17, 2009

Ezekiel 5 & 6… God is ANGRY. Seriously, not happy.
But in the study I’m doing this is the question put forth by the pastor… would you rather have a God who loves you enough to be angry with you to correct your paths so that you can walk with Him or a God that lets you do whatever you want, doesn’t really pay attention or care what you do, but you won’t spend eternity with Him?
I don’t know about you, but I would MUCH rather have a god that cares. I know that it doesn’t seem logical, but it is good. God loves us enough to care if we screw up. God loves us enough to correct us. God loves us enough that He sent His SON to DIE for us.
That floors me. How is that possible? How can a God who is great and powerful and creator of the universe love me enough to die for me? That’s craziness to my feeble human mind, but it is the truth and it is reality.
In these chapters God reveals that He is not happy with how Israel has been acting and so, He is going to punish them. He knows that they will not listen to Ezekiel, His chosen prophet. He knows that they are stubborn and obstinate (sound familiar yet?) and that they are not following His ways.
Our God is a jealous God. He is one that wants us to love nothing but Him. After all, it is what He created us for.
We are, however, seemingly hellbent on loving everything BUT Him. We are stubborn and obstinate, we do not listen to what He is saying, and I believe, He has sent us prophets in our own day and we are not listening to them. We are not walking the way that God wants us to. We are just like Israel.
What do we do then?
Steps 1 and 2, as far as I know are interchangeable, but not skippable. Pray and read His word. Become immersed in prayer, make it a constant conversation between you and God… all day! And be enveloped in His word. Learn all we can from the book that tells the greatest story ever told. An Epic Story by an Epic Author. I think it deserves to be read.

Wow… OK, God September 4, 2009

So, reading/studying through Ezekiel, and in Chapters 2 and 3 God begins to tell Ezekiel what his mission is, where he is going and what he is to do when he gets there. Holy moly. God was using the pastor who is preaching these to speak to my soul and my heart. I’m overwhelmed.

So, this is what hit me… 2:6-7, “And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house. You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious.”
I must speak His words to them because whether they listen or not is not my concern. My concern is obeying God’s command. I can’t describe how close to home these words are right now. My heart is so heavy with just this 1st week at my new job. There is so much going on, good and not so good. I’m not sure how to even begin to determine what is good and what is not. But that doesn’t matter. I need to speak the words that He has given me.
And here is the same thought in 3:7-9, “But the house of Israel is not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for the whole house of Israel is hardened and obstinate. But I will make you as unyeilding and hardened as they are. I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, thought they are a rebellious house.”
I have no reason to be afraid, no reason to doubt what God has given me to say, I must say it out of obedience to Him. I must be obstinate with the word of God. Never flake, never back down, because these are the words that he has given me to say.
May the LORD be praised for He is good.

Indescribable August 31, 2009

I’ve started a study of the prophet Ezekiel… I’m only in the 1st chapter of this amazing book, but I can already see that it is going to be quite the experience. In the 1st chapter Ezekiel has an incredible vision of heaven and the creatures that surround the throne of God. And he got to see God. Some scholars think that Ezekiel saw the pre-incarnate Christ, but seeing God would be seeing the pre-incarnate Christ, because they are one in the same.

But, that’s not important… what I want to talk about is this… the majesty of our God. Ezekiel couldn’t describe it. John couldn’t describe it. Isaiah couldn’t describe it. These three men who were granted visions of the Almighty couldn’t find words that expressed the grandeur adequately. Our God is HUGE! And great and mighty. He is all powerful. He is a god of great love and power. He is truly indescribable. No one has been able to describe Him. None of those great prophets could. And they saw God in His throne room. They saw heaven before their death. That is awe-some. Part of me is jealous. And part of me is glad because I know that I am not worthy to see God. He is beautiful. There is not a word to truly describe him.

And I love Him.

Choosing to Stay August 28, 2009

There is this song by Christy Nockels called, “My Master”. The chorus goes like this:

“I love my master and I will not go free. I take your name and live in liberty. My life is yours forever, I’ll serve you faithfully. I love my master and I will not go free.”

This got me thinking about slavery in the Bible and about something that I had heard about slaves in the old testament. There were slaves of debt and they were bound in slavery until they could pay their debt, but the interesting thing is that they could choose to remain with their master.

Exodus 21:4-6
“If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out alone. But if the slave plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’ then his master shall bring him to God, and he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall be his slave forever.”

Deuteronomy 15:16-17
“But if he says to you, ‘I will not go out from you,’ because he loves you and your household, since he is well-off with you, then you shall take an awl, and put it through his ear into the door, and he shall be your slave forever. And to your female slave you shall do the same.”

This is crazy cool to me. Why? Because of what Paul says in 1 Corinthians…

7:21-23
“Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ.”

I know that Paul is talking about real slaves, but combine these things as we have some awesome imagery.

OK, here I go… This is what I think…

We are in massive debt to God. He requires and expects us to be perfect, but we’re no where near. So, we are enslaved to God, and He gave us the law of which we have fallen short. And, therefore, in debt. So, we must work to get as close to following the law as we can. Mercifully, God knew that we were never going to be able to be the perfect creation that we are supposed to be, so he sent his son, Jesus, and he paid our debt in full. So, even though we cannot pay off the debt, fulfill the law, we are freed. The what Paul says, “For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord.” And we can choose, just like those slaves in the OT to stay with our master. To have our ears nailed to the door. To serve him only for the rest of our lives. Does this make sense? I think so. He is our God and master, and life with him is better than any other life.